Friday, September 28, 2012

The FAQs of my life

As Ian so eloquently pointed out, I'm Niki and I have twins. Apparently, that's all you need to know about me. (They're both boys, by the way.) Twins seem to garner a lot of questions from strangers, so I'll just save you the trouble of approaching us in the grocery store/park/library/Target/restaurant.
Q: Oh, are they twins?
A: Yep.
Q: How old are they?
A: They turned two this summer.
Q: Were they natural?
A: Well, they aren't robots.
Q: I mean, did you take a bunch of fertility drugs? Like Octomom?
A: Oh, I'm sorry, it's MY turn to ask you a question about YOUR sexual history.
Q: Well, it looks like you have your hands full. I can't imagine twins. I'd die. Bye!
A: Nice talking to you!
Do you want to know a secret? Promise not to tell? Two year old twins are actually much easier than a single kid. I know! Shocking, right? But having a built in playmate means I can throw them in the back yard and cruise facebook with my feet up while they happily run around together. I've created a genetically compatible, 24/7 source of entertainment. Sure a fight over something inevitably breaks out, but my kids go to daycare. They understand vigilante justice. One kid is bigger; one kid fights dirty. They can sort things out without me.
My boys are also at that lovely age where they're smart enough to negotiate but not smart enough to know when they're being manipulated. They actually fight over being the better behaved child. "LOOK! I'M BEING A GOOD LISTENER, MOMMY!" They race to see who can pick up their toys the fastest or any other competition I can create to get the outcome I desire.
My parenting philosophy is simple: The path of least resistance. I'm nutty about two things. Healthy food and adhering to a sleep schedule. (Suggest to a twin/triplet mom that they skip naptime some day. They will laugh in your face.) But everything else is fair game. So long as it doesn't result in an ER or CPS visit, you can do whatever keeps you from screaming. Insist on wearing too small snow boots to bed in August? Fine. Want to pour sand over your head like it's raining? Enjoy the pants full of rocks on the walk home, kid.
As the shortest tenured parent around here, I'm clearly in the haze of smugness and naivety. I'm aware of this. But have no fear. Every day my kids are getting smarter, pickier, needier, whinier, more defiant, more destructive, and sweet heavens there are two of them! Can you even imagine?! (See how I keep up the ruse that toddler twins are so hard?) I've got plenty of material, trust me. We start potty training this fall, and that alone may break me.


  1. The nice thing about potty training boys is that males are only required to get in the general area of the toilet. Right?

  2. Ha, awesome. I get the "are you proud of ME TOO mommy?" a lot. Competitiveness works for good and evil!

  3. I think we've all had the 'pants full of rocks' feeling at some point. Life lesson learnt!

  4. Love this! As the mom of two year old twin boys, I love to see the relation, to chuckle a little bit and know someone else out there is going through the same thing we are!

  5. Agree 100%. We had a twin for Harrison 4 years latermwhen we realized that we werent getting in enough FB time. Little Amelia is turning into quite the little playmate and distractor.